Nightmares of Lelouch vi Britannia
by Yamiro
Summary: A collection of short stories with only one purpose - torturing our beloved vict-ehem-villain, Lelouch vi Britannia. Beware of sad attempt at crack.
1. It Happened On A Beautiful Summer Night

_A/N And now I feel like a failure, abandoning writing for so long. But I'm here again with few almost finished projects. I haven't been up to date with stories in Code Geass category since June, so if any of my ideas were used since then... well, it just plain sucks. I started most of them a year ago, but never had the time to finish up. Hopefully it won't happen again._

The original note:

_A collection of short stories with only one purpose - torturing our beloved vic-ehem-villain, Lelouch vi Britannia. Beware of sad attempt at crack._

_Welcome to Nightmares of Lelouch vi Britannia. As mentioned in the summary, this is a collection of short, crackish stories - some of them are AU, some are EG-verse-wise - but mostly they are set in canon universe. A Crack Dump, as I call it. As for the pairing, one word, my dear readers. HAREM. And I mean it. (Ah, I always wanted to do a Lulu-harem story.)_

_Please leave me a review once you're done reading. Suggestions are nice too, although I already have over 50 prompts in my notepad... poor Lulu indeed *grins evilly*.

* * *

_

~First Memory~

~ _It Happened On A Beautiful Summer Night _~

* * *

It was the surprise and curiosity in Nunnally's sweet voice that caught Lelouch's attention on one summer evening. They were the only ones in the shrine's annex at that very moment, and being children without anything better to do, they simply started looking through the items stored in their little living space. That, being Lelouch narrating everything he saw down to the smallest details to his beloved sister, who sat in her wheelchair not far from him, listening to his every word.

Or so he thought.

The exiled prince stopped in mid-sentence and turned his head towards Nunnally, noticing at once that her attention had indeed strayed, and she picked up something herself for a change. He could tell just by looking at her, that she was confused about the nature of her discovery.

"Big Brother? Can you tell me what is this?" she spoke softly, a little unsure "It seems to be made... of straw, but..."

Never the one to say no to her, the older of the vi Britannia siblings took the item and studied it carefully.

"It looks like a doll to me, Nunnally." he replied kindly upon returning said item.

"A straw doll? Here?" the girl repeated, still a little confused, tracing her fingertips over the harsh surface.

"It would seem so."

The room became silent for a while, both of them engrossed in their own thoughts (with Lelouch beating himself mentally for being an useless older brother yet again, and Nunnally trying to figure out the mystery of the straw doll), but it was broken soon enough by a brown haired child who entered (though 'barged into' would be much better description) their little 'home' with no forewarning what so ever.

"Ah, Suzaku should know, ask him, Nunnally." Lelouch advised (with no small amount of relief to his poor self), a small smile making its way on his lips unconsciously, as the brunet came towards them.

"Suzaku-san, maybe you could tell me what is this?" Nunnally spoke, eager and happy too, turning to face the newcomer.

But as soon as their friend's gaze made contact with the item in question, his eyes turned wide and an expression of shock overcame his previously carefree one.

"Don't touch that, Nunnally!" he shouted and ran up to snatch the doll from the small princess's hands.

This action of course only caused to further confuse the other two.

"Why? What is this?" Lelouch asked, looking at the other boy with rising suspicion in his eyes (not to mention the heated glare send towards the offending object, as if ready to tear it apart, was it proved to be a threat to his sister's wellbeing).

"You just shouldn't touch things like that! They're dangerous!"

"Dangerous? How come a little doll can be dangerous?"

"It's not just a doll! It's a straw doll!"

"A _straw_ doll. Oh yes. _Very_ scary."

"Ah! You don't understand..." the brunet sighed in agitation "It's used to curse people and the bad energy can cross over to you, that's why you shouldn't touch it."

"Curse? You mean like magic or something equally idiotic like that?" the prince's tone was full of doubt at the mention of anything remotely paranormal.

"Yeah, you just need to... aghrr, there is no way I'm going to tell you that!"

"Why not? It's not like it's possible to curse someone anyways. Or is it...?"

"Well... some people seem to believe so. But why is this thing in here anyways...?" a small frown appeared on Suzaku's face as he continued to look at the doll in obvious disgust.

"Don't ask me, it's your home." came Lelouch's irritated reply "So, how does this thing work?"

"Why are you so curious anyways? Do you want to curse someone?" this was the brunet's turn to be suspicious.

"And what if I did?"

"Aww." Suzaku shook his head in disbelief "Are you serious?"

"Of course I am, just spill it already!"

But much to the prince's agitation, the brunet remained silent, looking at him in a strange way, then eventually turned his gaze to Nunnally (who sat calmly in her wheelchair, listening to their conversation with rapid interest the whole time). Fed up with his idiotic friend, Lelouch scoffed and leaned forward, covering Nunnally's ears with his own hands (not forgetting to say "I'm sorry, Nunnally" to her beforehand and sending yet another death glare, this time aimed at his friend, who now looked just a tad too smug for his liking - probably because for once he knew more than the genius prince).

"B-big brother!" Nunnally protested weakly and pouted, but Lelouch ignored it for her own good. Protecting his sister's chaste and innocent mind came with top priority for him.

(Even if he had to face her pouting, sad expression, which always proved to be a great challenge to his resolve.

His. Sister. Was. Just. Too. Cute. For. Her. Own. Good.

Or his.)

"Su-za-ku." he spat through his teeth at the still grinning idiot in front of them.

"Hm? What was that, your highness?" he teased, making a 180 turn in his behavior, which wasn't that uncommon occurrence with him "You're no fun." he whined when Lelouch's glare didn't disappear or at least falter a little, though he himself didn't stop grinning even for a second "Well, first off, the doll isn't the only thing you need. There should be also set of nails somewhere..."

"Nails? What for?"

"Yeah, nails, you need to dig them into the doll - it's supposed to represent the person you want to curse - and when you do so..." Suzaku paused, making a dramatic gesture, pointing his hand at his heart.

(Looks like a case of bad influence, does it not?)

"Ah, I think I understand. Interesting. Very much so." the last word was almost inaudible as the gears in prince's mind started to work at 120 percent efficiency "Anything else I should know?"

"I think you shouldn't know even that much, but yes, there is one thing. Yo... the ritual is supposed to take place at the hour of ox, that's 2am for you, the doll needs to be nailed to the praying cedar."

"And what's that now?"

"Ugh, that's the tree where women pray for the happiness in their love life, I think? But it's supposed to be Jisshu Shrine, so you won't be able to find one here."

"You know, Suzaku, you seem to know awfully much about this whole thing. Did you try it yourself?" young prince couldn't help the teasing tone from his voice as he pondered upon his new learned knowledge "Would explain some things, like why is this thing in here for example~"

"Ha? ME? Of course not!" his friend protested vividly, narrowing his eyes "This is common knowledge!"

"Is it now?" Lelouch smirked, smug and proud of his new formed plan like never before.

"Yes it is! Stop being so- so-"

"Smart?"

"Aghrr! You're an asshole!"

"At least I'm not an imbecile!"

"You!"

"Big brother, Suzaku-san, please stop fighting!"

"I'm sorry, Nunnally!" Lelouch quickly removed his hands from his sister's ears, glaring at his friend who returned the sentiment.

"But I can't help it! Every time he opens his mouth I get this sudden urge to strangle him!"

"Exactly how I feel!"

"Haha, I want to see you try! Lulu~"

"Oi! Stop don't call me that, you-!" he stopped himself hearing his sister laugh softly "Nunnally?"

"Don't you remember, big brother? That's how big sister Euphie used to call you." she said with a bright smile "She would always come to play with us. She loved to dress you up!"

"Nunnally!" the raven head protested, but the damage was already made. Looking at his friend's face only confirmed his fear.

"Dress up, Nana-chan?" the brunette queried, smiling triumphantly at him, knowing that Lelouch wouldn't do anything to stop his sister from talking.

"Yes! Big Brother looked so lovely in a dress!"

Their shared laughter accompanied him as he fled, his face burning.

There was on way Suzaku was going to let him live after this...

...and thus upon one beautiful summer night, a strange and dark ritual took place...

A young boy of age ten, eyes narrowed in determination, gripping tightly a doll made of straw (which, suspiciously enough, had a very big head with even bigger white 'wig' made of some unknown substance placed on it) in hand, strode through the Kururugi land looking for a suitable tree to commit his evil deed...

...and upon the hour of ox, an echo of a mad laughter could be heard, even far, far away from the Shrine, chilling the ones hearing it to the bone...

...though the laugh itself wasn't very practiced, as the young lad didn't had enough time to do so, thus resulting in some respiratory problems...

...it would take a few more years for him to perfect it, but until then he would have to settle with a devil's smile while nailing the doll Emperor's guts to a tree.

~_the_ _end_~


	2. Pizza Girl

_A/N Just a silly little thing I wrote long, long time ago while sitting in a tram on my Grand Journey__ Back Home from my Uni... enjoy~! I promise, the next one is better!

* * *

_

~_Pizza Girl_~

"C.C."

"Hm?"

"What is this?"

"An application form."

"Oh, good to know. And what exactly is this - application form - doing here?"

"... it is waiting to be approved and signed? I thought you were the Vice-President here. Can't you do anything without me anymore? I'm beginning to wonder how did you manage to survive before I came into your life."

"I'm going to ignore that comment. Do you know what this is about?"

"I have not a single clue."

"Someone apparently wants to create a Pizza Club, do you, by any chance, know something about that?"

"_Noo_, but I want to meet this Someone and hug him. Or her."

"Is that so."

"Oh? You seem doubtful."

"Maybe because I am?"

"Maybe."

"_Witch_. Well, this someone will be disappointed then, because I can't approve this request."

"... and why is that?"

"First, we don't have funds to maintain another club, with Milly's crazy ideas we spend more money than we should."

"Then transfer some funds from the other clubs. You do this all the time."

"I'm still ignoring you. Second, there need to be at least two other members for the club to work."

"That shouldn't be a problem. Everyone loves pizza."

"Not listening. And lastly, the most important factor."

"Yes, what is it?"

"That someone didn't sign themselves."

"... is that a crime?"

"Of course it isn't. But it is a _major_ problem. We don't do anonymous requests. Can you at least guarantee me it's someone from the school, and not some pizza obsessed maniac?"

"Are you implying that _I_ was the one behind this?"

"Are you admitting to being a pizza obsessed maniac?"

"..."

"..."

"So, you aren't going to approve it?"

"_No_."

"You're a cold blooded bastard without a heart."

"Are you trying to flatter me?"

"Did it sound like flattery to you?"

"..."

"..."

"C.C."

"What?"

"You could have just told me."

"Told you what exactly?"

"That you want a Pizza Club."

"..."

"You don't want it? Alright then."

"Lelouch."

"Hm?"

"You truly are a bastard."

"I always thought my parents were more or less happily married when I was born and graced the world with my humble presence."

"Is that the best you could come up with?"

"Well, it's true."

"That's the lamest thing I have heard from you up to date. It even aced your merry little band's name."

"Merry- _WHAT_?"

"Black Knights."

"What's _wrong_ with that name?"

"It's unoriginal."

"..."

"I know, truth usually hurts. Do you want a hug?"

"No, thank you. I'll manage without."

"You sure?"

"_Positive_."

"Hm."

"..."

"So, about that Pizza Club..."

"What about it?"

"Maybe I could change your mind somehow?"

"Maybe. Try."

"If there was a Pizza Club, I wouldn't have to steal your credit cards anymore. Everything would go on to the Club's bill."

"A very nice beginning, if you just forget that someone has to find and move that said money first."

"... and I would have a place to eat pizza other than your room."

"You mean _my_ bed. But please, by all means just ignore me and continue."

"... and... I'll stop bugging you all time about pizza...?"

"Approved."

"Huh?"

"You have my blessing."

"Really?"

"Oh, that enthusiasm. Be careful or I'll start to think you do have emotions down there, somewhere deep, _**deep**_ inside of you. Of course you can have your Pizza Club. You just needed to ask nicely, nothing more."

"You mean..."

"Exactly what you think."

"Lelouch."

"Yes, my dear witch?"

"I'm going to kill you."

"Ah. Wouldn't that be counterproductive?"

"I'll kill you first. I'll think about consequences _later_."


	3. For Her Name Is Milly

_A/N Many thanks to my beta, Katie, who did an amazing job with LIVE - beta here. Not so many thanks for me... as I somehow managed to delete that final version, even with my countless backups. AND THEN I managed to screw up my QuickOffice. This was supposed to be posted on January 22th... but as you see, there's always something lying in wait, patiently waiting for the best opportunity to kick you in your ass when you least expect it... I hope you will enjoy reading this one, at least.

* * *

_

_~For Her Name Is Milly~_

**

* * *

**

The morning light softly illuminated the lone figure sleeping soundly on the bed, giving the room an overall tranquil atmosphere...

"LELOUCH VI BRITANNIA!"

…which was thoroughly shattered by this lone battle cry, echoing through the entire household.

Any _sane_ person should have been fleeing from the impending doom by the time the ominous cry reached their ears, not to mention the poor soul whose name was just used to express the willingness and eagerness to bring destruction and pain to anyone who came across its origin, but no, Lelouch, although believing himself to be a sane person, did nothing to ensure his safety. He didn't even open his eyes - it was still _damn too early_ in the morning for it - nor moved any part of his body to run and seek shelter.

He knew whose voice it was - God help him if he didn't know Milly Ashford's voice by now - and though it made him shiver involuntary in fear, he bravely braced himself for what was to come.

"Lulu~" Milly's voice changed to his utter horror, now laced with deadly, sweet poison "My dear, it's time to wake up~!"

He chose to ignore her further, futile as it seemed, because one **DOES NOT** just ignore the blonde Ashford heiress without suffering _**severe**_ consequences afterwards.

"You don't want to be late now, do you?" she spoke again, and now he could sense her approaching his bed. Slowly but consequently, her footsteps echoed in the otherwise silent room like in some horror movie.

Another shiver ran through his body.

He stuffed his head into the soft pillow below, hoping against all odds, that he will manage to die of asphyxiation.

(But as we all know, such a feat is nearly impossible to achieve on one's own... and even if, required _much more_ time which he so clearly didn't have.)

He heard the bed crack softly in protest, as his very personal demon joined him on the bed not a minute after.

"Lulu~" it whispered into his ear, hot breath, a ghost of a touch, making him shiver for entirely _different_ reason.

"Milly." he spoke out loud, though it came sounding more like a groan of pain a wounded animal would let out.

"Good morning sleepy head~" she practically sang. She seemed to be awfully too cheerful for him. _Suspicious_, really, but it was DAMN TOO EARLY TO THINK STRAIGHT - and Milly Ashford in a mood this good wasn't a good thing for him (anytime) (anywhere) (ever).

Or anyone else at that matter.

(Although Rivalz, poor fellow, in his crush ridden brainwashed mind would probably appreciate any kind of attention directed at him by his _goddess_. Be it of any romantic motion (desired) or not.

And she **always** made sure to take advantage of that fact.

Poor Rivalz indeed.)

"What the hell do you want so early in the morning?" he tried for his words to sound more like a threat, but the pillow made it quite impossible.

"Hm~? Don't you remember what day today is?"

"I have no time for your riddles, Milly, so either tell me what do you want already or _get out_. Preferably the latter."

"So mean~ but I know you didn't mean that!" Milly said cheerfully and then pouted to keep up the mock hurt expression (though it wasn't really necessary, seeing as her victim's head was still having it's _sweet time_ with the pillows), all the while making herself more comfortable on the bed (HIS OWN PERSONAL DAMN BED) "It's a _Big Day_, I have to wonder how did you manage to forget about it!"

"Forget _what_ exactly?" Lelouch never forgot things. _Never_. (It may seem like he sometimes did, but he didn't. He just avoided some things.

Like Milly's crazy festivals, if there was a chance to. Which wasn't often and such attempts always backfired in the end, so with time he ceased even trying.)

"Please, just for once leave me out of your crazy schemes." he whined pathetically into the pillow. (He didn't deny it, which should speak for itself just how far he was gone in his misery.)

"Lelouch, don't tell me you really forgot...?" the blonde's tone changed, making Lelouch finally rise his head and face his demon, reluctant as he was to do so.

Milly wasn't smiling anymore, that was the first thing he noticed.

The second was that she was being deadly serious, for once, her silly persona gone altogether.

"Milly?" he inquired, not quite sure if he wanted to find out what was going on, but on the other hand remembering that Milly was his friend. That meant something. It _really_ did.

She sighed, closing her eyes for a moment as if preparing herself mentally for what was to come, like he earlier did himself.

"It's your wedding day, you idiot.", she said then added as in afterthought, "_Ours_, I mean."

That... well, that was a new one.

Lelouch didn't remember acquiring a fiancée, and as far as his memory served, he didn't EVER possess one. Not even a girlfriend. (Well, at the moment, at least.)

And certainly not _Milly_.

(He wasn't that cruel, as to break poor, poor Rivalz's heart... nah, scratch that, who was he kidding here? He wasn't that _masochistic_!)

"Really." he stated doubtfully, which in turn earned him a truly frightening glare from the blonde.

"_**Lelouch vi Britannia**_," Milly started in her most threatening voice "if you will not get ready in the next 15 minutes, I'm going to make you wear the most scandalous dresses ever designed in the next cross dressing festival. Take many, many photos of you in them and then send the copies to sir Jeremiah, your brother Schneizel and your mother. Ah, and we can't forget about C.C., can we now?"

That kind of killed any thought about protesting which started to appear in Lelouch's head at that moment.

He swallowed.

The clock ticked.

A bird outside of his window chirped.

Milly stared at him unblinkingly.

"Alright." he managed to say before the thick tension in the room managed to choke him.

"I knew it from the start that we could come to an understanding." Milly said, cheerful and bright again (making him feel like an idiot for falling for her act in the first place, though he had no doubts that she would do all that just on _principle_ and to annoy him), and with one swift movement she got up from the bed and exited the room.

Needless to say, Lelouch was still in shock for some time after she have left.

Seeing no other option, the confused teen set about 'getting ready', as if that was even possible in his semi-conscious state. He started changing into the tux he noticed lying _so innocently_ and conveniently not far from him.

He was all ready to go within half of the time he was oh so graciously given.

(Just to be safe.)

Once done, resigned to his fate, he made his way downstairs where he was certain unknown horrors awaited him.

Like . . .

.

.

.

. . . his mother.

Marianne vi Britannia smiled at him warmly before running up and crushing him in a bone-breaking embrace.

(It was the most fortunate occurrence that she let go of him before he got smothered.

Not that he would really mind that bad. . .

. . . just the place she was crushing his face into was a little bit awkward. . .

You get it, right?

It was his mother for God's sake!*)

"I'm so proud of you!" she stated once she released him and was done looking him up and down "So handsome, just like your father when he was younger!" (the sentence clearly lacked a heart at the end of it. You know, the '3' kind of heart).

". . . thank you, Mother." confused or not, Lelouch couldn't quite imagine his father being 'young and handsome', and thus felt extremely awkward being compared to Him. Not that his mother seemed to mind that at all.

"My boy, finally a grow man!" she cooed again and for a moment he thought she was going to 'hug' him again. Whatever deity watched over him felt merciful, and she refrained.

Then he heard a snort.

And he looked. . .

. . . into a pair of violet eyes so alike his own. . .

. . . thank God it was only Cornelia.

"Well, he doesn't look like a grown man to me at all. I doubt he even grew an inch since we have last seen each other." That of course earned her a death glare, but before anything violent could happen, a new voice spoke up.

"Just let miss Ashford handle him, he will be a better man tomorrow morning!" Nonette, a personal demon to his sister, leered at him.

(He didn't want to know what she meant by that.)

(Not ever, _ever_ in his life.)

"It's Lelouch's and Milly's big day, my ladies, let's not scare him-"

(-_too much_, every one of the present ladies finished in their heads simultaneously.)

"Little Lulu~ too bad we didn't come in time to organize you a bachelor party, it's really a shame you didn't get one."

_Huh? Then why can't I remember anything?_ Lelouch wondered, _I had to drink myself to unconsciousness at some point recently to have this kind of memory malfunction - if this thing isn't a nightmare as I first assumed._

Though he had to admit he didn't really have a headache...

Hm.

"I think he is in shock." Cornelia observed, coming closer to study him "Is _The Great Black Prince_ _**nervous**_?" she mocked, poking him in the chest. But an unlikely ally came to his rescue.

"Leave poor Lulu alone, Nelly. You will only give him a heart attack and I'll lose another source of entertainment. And I'm quite sure you don't want that to ever happen." Nonette's tone was joking, as was usual for her, but even so, the _threat_ was real enough to make the legendary Cornelia _retreat_.

"I would appreciate one, actually." Lelouch finally spoke, looking around hoping and trying to find an escape route. _Anywhere but not here!_

"You want to die as a virgin? At least wait for your wedding night!" Nonette teased without mercy, causing the two other women to smile and him to flush. In **anger** of course. _What_? He wasn't embarrassed!

"_You_-!"

"My dears, I think that would be enough for now, we don't want our Lelouch to miss his own wedding, hm?" his mother interrupted "Let me accompany you."

And she dragged his seething form away, thus saving someone's life. Whose, it was hard to tell.

Though their journey didn't last long. Just the opposite, Marianne led him towards the Student Council's room and pushed him - not very gently - in, saying-

"Enjoy yourself."

With a sense of strong foreboding, Lelouch reluctantly opened his eyes (which till now were closed as he didn't want to face this nightmarish vision of his) only to see his friends there.

He almost sighed in relief.

There were worse things, right?

_Right_?

"Lelouch!" Suzaku called cheerfully "We were starting to get worried that you wouldn't show up."

"That's right! Some of us even hoped you wouldn't!" that came from the blonde _bulb_ that went by the name of Gino Weinberg, causing in turn Rivalz's eyes to widen in fear.

"I would imagine..."

"But Lelouch, we have a little problem here!" Gino continued over his little comment "You still haven't chosen your best man!"

"Uh...?"

(_Riiight_. Let's get a better look on the scene.

The three of the boys seemed equally eager (that included even the heart broken Rivalz) to play the role, looking at our dear Black Prince with big (and watery, as in Suzaku's case) hopeful eyes. The only thing missing would be the constant chant of 'lemme, lemme!'. They were like children, waiting for a new toy...)

And Lelouch suddenly thought that the world was a very, _very_ unfair place to live in.

"So~?" Gino urged "You can't have us _all_, you know~"

"Su-" he started...

"Lelouch! I-I'm so happy! Of course I accept!"

... only to be smothered by yet another bone crushing hug, as his best friend practically launched himself at him. And he didn't even meant to say 'Suzaku' to begin with.

"C-Can't breatheee-" Lelouch managed to choke out, and just when he thought he reached the limits of his oxygen resources, he was released...

... only to feel a new set of hands encircling him from behind.

"Well, well, little brother. It seems like you're ready to face the moment of truth!" the voice behind him called, and he wondered idly if it was really safe to leave Clovis in the presence of Milly Ashford for any amount of time. He only got worse after every of their meetings - and he was already _insufferable_ to begin with.

Lelouch struggled (and managed to, but only because Clovis was as physically challenged as he was himself) out of the embrace and glared at the new arrival.

His wrath only increased as he noticed who was accompanying his mentally unstable older brother.

His greatest adversary.

And he was smiling. SMIRKING!

He was enjoying this! This- this humiliation! As if it was even surprising...

* * *

_And this is the point when his short term memory failed him.

* * *

_

The ceremony was a blur. He could remember only flashes out of the whole ordeal. Nunnally laughing and crying at the same time, happily embracing their mother. The countless guests watching, then congratulating him (though how so many people could fit in the Ashford Academy's Chapel was beyond him. Why was he even getting married in this chapel was beyond him. Why the hell was he even _getting married_ in the first place? He wasn't even of age yet!)

But finally the sense of consciousness returned to him.

(And he wasn't sure if that was a good sign... his gut certainly agreed that it was not.)

He was lying on a bed, a very comfy and expensive looking one - if a cautious and quick glance about can be trusted in such matters - in a room he never saw before. He was fully clothed - which in itself was very good - and sober - which, again, probably wasn't.

"Good to see you're awake, my darling~ I was beginning to think you will sleep through the entire night~", a voice of a demon sang, "and we wouldn't want to miss our wedding night~ not~ at~ all~"

Lelouch's now fully alert eyes searched for the source of the voice, even though his brain screamed _**NO!**_ at him very loudly...

... and for a good reason indeed.

The image would make a lesser man's heart to burst, eyes to pop and mouth to start watering...

... but Lelouch wasn't a lesser man, he so definitely wasn't...

But!

. . . but . . .

. . . all these leather. . .

Oh. **God**.

Milly Ashford, his friend through all these childhood years... in black. Skintight. _Leather_.

Leather that covered... damn, it _showed_ much more than it covered.

She was smiling. A smile the Devil himself would be proud (and jealous) of.

- and she bad a whip in her hand - and handcuffs -

(And Lelouch's heart definitely stopped beating.)

. . . and that's when Lelouch woke up screaming, alerting the whole household of his _pain_ and _suffering_. . .

. . . and that, of course, included his faithful Knight, who not a second later (because Suzaku just _wasn't_ human) busted through his bedroom doors, his fancy sword in hand.

Lelouch stared.

Suzaku scanned the room (clad in nothing more than his boxers, may I add), and seeing no danger to his 'beloved' liege, gave him a 'wtf' kind of stare.

Lelouch still stared.

Suzaku stared too.

". . . what are you doing?" the raven head finally asked in a weary tone.

"I heard you scream, _your_ _crankiness_. Did something happen?"

"Not really- and I meant what are you doing bursting in here looking like... like- _that_-"

Suzaku blinked, looked down on himself and then smiled.

"Well, _my lord_, that is one _interesting_ question~"

* * *

_... and that's when Lelouch woke up for real.

* * *

_

"You look-"

"-like shit."

Welcome to just another average morning in the Lamperouge household.

"Thanks guys, that really improved my mood right now." Lelouch stated, glaring at his Knight and the Witch, who were enjoying breakfast (or rather, Suzaku was enjoying his breakfast while C.C. was munching on yet another of her pizzas) together.

"The pleasure is all ours, _Your_ _Highness_." C.C. quipped, smirking knowingly. Lelouch had no doubts she meant that wholeheartedly.

"... riiight." he sighed, and resigned himself to another boring morning. A way away from the nightmarish visions inflicted on him by his overworking imagination...

"Lelouch~"

... but of course when something can go wrong, it will always go wrong.

* * *

~_the end_~

* * *

*_maybe some of you recall that __**morally corrupt**__ picture of Lulu and Marianne floating somewhere on the Net... oh Goth, my eyes won't be the same after that... nor will my brain._


End file.
